lists i keep in my notes apps

some of these lists are kept for archival purposes. others are current. i've shared ones that are interesting and not too personal. they're in an odd order because i use two notes apps and shuffled them up a bit.

names

purchases i wanted to make over summer break

four things people have said me about me 

1. she eats apples like some people smoke cigarettes
2. she's stunningly gorgeous and beautiful and a little owl like
3. she would be a good cat, or a deer
4. she's good at frowning

haley heynderickx concerts i've been to

1. Nova Arts Keene March 2022
2. Stone Church Brattleboro December 2023
3. Bombyx Florence March 2024
4. Nova Arts Keen June 2024
5. Higher Ground Burlington September 2024 

assorted song lyrics

• i’m just a huge manatee
• life is not that bad when you’re surrounded by people who love you
• one day I can be a freight train lady 

tattoos i might get

final transition related bureaucracy

hobbies or skills or professions i'd like to try or do more

• aikido
• swimming
• rock climbing
• rollerblading
• fire fighter
• postal worker
• emt
• ride horses
• hiking
• archery
• guitar
• fiddle
• harmonica
• fencing
• glass blowing
• sailing 

 possible halloween costumes

 songs that provide instructions for what to do with the singer's body after they die

• underground kimya dawson
• let the mermaids flirt with me mississippi john hurt
• please don’t bury me john prine
• don't bury me tanya davis 

ideas for patches i'd like to put on a jacket

future renovations for my room at home

future blog posts i'd like to make

jokes about lawyers

the first words i learned in welsh

• ci - dog
• cawl - soup
• coedwig - forest
• coed - lumber
• coeden - tree
• gwenyn - bee
• swigod - bubbles
• byr - short

online places to shop for clothes

songs we sang when i led my high school in the last all-school sing of senior year

• yonder come day
• MTA song
• o mary don’t you weep
• shenandoah
• let union be
• i’ll fly away
• bright morning stars
• freedom is coming -> siyahamba -> ipharadisi
• five hundred miles 

shaggy dog jokes i can tell

languages i'd like to learn

songs to add to the folk music club packet

old writing ideas for my substack

foods i like

i've tried to write a great many lists of foods i like in the hope of making future meal planning easier, and none of them stick. this one is strangely scattershot and specific.

twitter drafts

things to do in burlington

friends who have said they go rock climbing with me

i have yet to go rock climbing with any of the people on this list. text me.

questions i was going to ask myself for my (currently) abandoned album a week project

songs i might play at an open mic or similar event

my beastieball team that i have yet to build

gaming backlog

classes to maybe take in the future

things i was going to do over winter break

questions to ask the head of the GSWS department

animals i identify with

plans i loosely made with people for the spring semester

a list of things i want to spend money on in the near future

scholarships i applied to

date of the last few times i bit my nails

<3

i get deja vu

my dreams predict the future but i don't know they're the future and i don't remember they're my dreams. i forms shapes and patterns of people, of situations i don't know. i wake up and it's gone and years later it returns in a flash. i recognize it, we sit with each other in the feeling for a moment. i can mention the feeling, and the feeling might hold. i can not mention the feeling, and the feeling might hold. the feeling breaks. on wednesday there were sparkles in my vision. repeat.

my dreams predict the 

future but i don't know they're the 

future and i don't remember they're my 

dreams. i forms shapes and patterns of people, of 

situations i don't know. i wake up and 

it's gone and 

years later it returns in 

a flash. i recognize it, we sit with each other in the  

feeling for a moment. i can mention the feeling, and the 

feeling might hold. i can not mention the feeling, and the 

feeling might hold. 

the feeling 

breaks.

on wednesday there were 

sparkles in my vision, dancing.

repeat.

my grandfather's clock

this is not about my grandfather's clock. i imagine my grandfather(s) have clock(s) but i don't know anything about them.

on friday, i distributed zines.

for much of the day, i wandered around campus and gave a zine about housing to admitted students who were visiting. this was really fun. people were by and large curious or interested. i tried to hand out zines to a tour groups, and the tour guides were occasionally upset by this, but never actually did anything. some of the people i tried to hand zines to said they had already gotten one from someone else, which made me happy.

for a couple hours, i tabled with some friends handing out a larger variety of zines. we tried to do it in the student life center but they kicked us out so we went to the library. the library was lovely and gave us no trouble. one of the staff members even came over and said they had to get back to work but they wanted some and they grabbed one of each.

there were a lot of other wonderful interactions that afternoon. i have so much love for all the shy people who came up, grabbed a zine or two, and didn't say much. i used to be there, and sometimes i still am. i had a lot of fun trying to coax square looking guys to come and grab some, and was successful in a few cases. 

a selection of the zines we had

the craziest interaction i had happened maybe half an hour before i packed up. a guy was walking past and i tried to catch his eye, gesturing at the sign we had that said free zines. after a couple attempts, he came over to the table, and i told him about the zines we had. he brushed right past that, and in a very thick english accent proceeded to ask me if i wanted the record he was holding, as he was trying to get rid of it. i asked him what it was, and he said it had some old songs on it including "my grandfather's clock" i told him i didn't know that one, and he broke into song. i don't think i can adequately recreate the experience. i took the record, he didn't take a zine, and he left.

the song, i've later learned, was written in 1876 by henry clay work and is popular among english brass bands and bluegrass musicians. i can't find an online version of the record, but you can listen to johnny cash's version if you'd like. or do your own research and tell me about it :)

the record also has a version of  drill ye tarriers drill on it, which is a song i quite like. you can listen to the uvm catamount singer's version below if you'd like, although it's a bit different than the version on the record. it is a good arrangement though. very similar to what i sung in high school, and really makes good use of splitting along bass/tenor and soprano/alto lines.

 

the record also had some others songs that i liked and hope to get to know better

the whole day was a really pleasant and rewarding experience. it's nice to meet so many new people, if only briefly, and add something positive to their day.

cactus

there is exactly one living plant in my room. it's a cactus, and it sits on the windowsill next to my bed. the pot it's in is beautiful, a very smooth shape with a green glaze a little darker than the cactus itself. the glaze has small black speckles, similar to the top of the cactus.

all the other plants in my room are fake. they all belong to my roommate. a lot of flowers in old bottles, vines wrapping things, etc. there's a few lego ones. there's a plant in a taylor swift eras tour popcorn bucket that watches me every time i use the bathroom. we were put through the student conduct process for keeping the flowers in beer and champagne bottles, but that resolved without much issue.

the cactus is the only plant that's ever really been mine. at home, there are a lot of plants that i'll help take care of, but i've never been the one exclusively responsible. this summer i did some house sitting for plants and cats, and i was ok at it.

my cactus has been through it. at least twice last year my roommate knocked it on the floor, and i've also knocked it on the floor a couple times. i'll forget to water it for months at a time. between these two facts, it looks a little sad. there's a massive gash in it, several pieces have fallen off the top, and it's not exactly the healthiest shade of green.

there's a metaphor here around the cactus and myself and fake plants. i don't remember exactly when i got the cactus, but i know i had it when i first came to college and that's when i started hrt. i've become better at taking care of and caring about myself. the cactus has suffered.

the details of the metaphor are left as an exercise for the reader.

 

change

big thief cover. really slow. indecisive and forgetful. cozy in my sweater. this was one of the first songs i played consistently on guitar.

 

 

birch

the birch tree in my front yard

was there on the day we moved in

and bent under the snow every winter,

bent a little 

further each time and never quite 

stood back up. 

sometimes it froze into the accumulation,

stuck in the icy crust. 

one day it 

cracked. splintered. 

 

in summer i'll rip a twig off a black birch tree and strip the leaves and

chew for a while.

the stump in my yard is a paper birch.

in summer i'll scrape 

feathers into bark, catch it with a

strike of steel.

the oils are water-resistant, flammable.

in summer my mother 

broke up with her boyfriend. when the tree snapped

he cut it at the base and left it there. 

we moved out

and time passed.

and we moved back in 

and i took the cut tree from the yard,

hauled it down to the meadow,

and burned it.

prone

i’m really prone to missing people. i would be more self-conscious about vague-posting but not all of them read this and i tell them all anyway so it doesn’t matter. i think it’s a good way to be, even if it hurts.

i’ve been shopping for guitar equipment that i only maybe have the money to buy. some of it really sticks with me though. i think it’s important to buy gear that you are in love with, that you’ll want to get out and look at in addition to play.

my mother wants me to call the insurance company and change my name with them legally. i think i changed my name legally a year ago. i’m not very good at making phone calls. it’s been a year of saying “i’ll do that this week”

i should be sleeping right now. i should not be failing any of my classes. i got all bundled up to go to frisbee and then we got kicked off the field. i don’t drink enough tea.

my friend matilda always tells people to be well. i miss her. there were dragons coming from the smokestacks yesterday.